Why You SHOULD Think of Yourself When You Give

I was a little surprised. No push-back from last week’s post on giving? Maybe it wasn’t as counter-intuitive to you as it has been to me.

In my reforming perfectionistic brain, there used to be 2 main rules for giving (my time, my money, my talents, my heart):

  • You should never expect anything in return.
  • You should never think about yourself. That’s selfish.

Those bad beliefs have been challenged in my life, and I invite you to process the challenge with me.

As I said last week, I believe we should expect to receive something in return, and I think we should absolutely think of ourselves when we give. As I said last week, we need new terms for thinking this way. From here on out, I’m going to switch to the vocabulary I used last week. When we give, we might not think of ourselves, but when we invest, we should be looking to how we’re affected.

Here’s why thinking of ourselves when we invest is crucial:

We should ruthlessly seek the good work being done within us. In the comments you left over the last few weeks, I’ve read a few with a longing to have your evident spiritual gift. For some of you, giving is like breathing. You can’t do life without it, and it’s part of your divinely given DNA. Giving is your gift.

I wish giving was my gift, but it’s not. Giving is a challenge for me. I lean toward selfishness and comfort, and I have to fight against those negative forces every time I do something for someone else. It’s an ugly part of me to share, but I’m just keepin’ it real.

When I give, I have to ask God to reveal my motives with His spotlight of righteousness. Am I investing with eternal purposes in mind, or do I have a hidden selfish motive? Am I doing truly investing for another, or do I have a secret motive for gain?

Investing always stretches me in the best possible way.


How can we know our motives are pure so that God’s purifying work can be accomplished in our investing? It must be done from love.

“If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” I Corinthians 13:3 (NIV)

Too often I’ve given so that I can boast. Sadly, that’s an investment with a negative return. I become more entrenched in self when I give this way, but love means that I gain God’s refining work in me. Let’s invest in love with an eye to gaining more of the fruits of the Spirit like thankfulness (Psalm 106:1) and to earning the blessing of more Jesus in us (Acts 20:35).

We should choose to be nothing, but we shouldn’t see ourselves as nothing. In Philippians 2:5-11, we read that Jesus chose a position of humility. He “made himself nothing”. He gives us a high example to follow in His humility. As I say in Breaking Up with Perfect,

“Rather than trading on His rightful position, Jesus intentionally gave up the perfection of heaven and chose a new position. ‘He made himself nothing.’ He isn’t nothing, but He chose to become nothing. Although He holds power and authority and is due respect, He elected to abdicate the rights and benefits of His high status by giving up the privileges He rightfully holds with His rank. Giving up perfection, He accepted an assignment in a flawed, broken, sinful world as a servant.” (p. 63)

It’s good to choose to become nothing because that reflects Christ-like humility. It’s not good to believe you are nothing.

Even though there were only the sounds of crickets chirping after my post last week, I’m sure that many of you have bought into the two bad beliefs I confessed at the start of this post. I heard it in the comments in the devotion and blog post I wrote several weeks ago, and some of your comments broke my heart in two.

I heard the echoes of what you believe about yourself in what you wrote. You. Don’t. Count. I want to set the record firmly in place on that belief. You, dearest one, do count. You matter.

There’s an equation that God the Father established in the Old Testament that Jesus the Son repeats in the New. When a man who wanted to test Jesus approached Him with a question, here’s how it went down:

 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22: 36-40)

There’s an equation here with three parts:

Love God + Love others + as yourself= Greatest commandments

You are not a zero sum in the equation. Jesus put you there.

Perfectionists often get this wrong. We’ve stripped ourselves out of the equation for so long that we become convinced that we don’t count–To Jesus. To anybody else.

I love how some genius used one of my all-time favorite words, JOY, to make an acronym.


Here’s the thing. Too many of us are only experiencing JO instead of JOY. See the problem? 🙂 Here are some questions to discern whether you’re leaving yourself out of the investment equation in a negative way:

  • Is it wearing you out and leaving you empty instead of building you up and making you filled?
  • Are others appreciative of what you give? I’m not talking about expecting gratefulness everyday or every time, but God cares about you. In asking you to invest, He’s not asking you to be prey for takers. That’s enabling, not investing. If you suspect that you’ve taken on the roll of enabling, put “you” back into the joy equation and see how the investing feels then.
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Why You SHOULD Expect Something in Return When You Give

It brought me overwhelming joy to read your comments about giving last week. Truly. I was traveling and checking my email at every stop just for the great feeling of connecting with your generous hearts. I loved reading every word that you wrote!

There were are few comments mixed in that made my heart ache, though. These were comments that made me aware that sometimes we give based on misconceptions about godly giving.

I heard you echo something I’ve said many times–“I need to give without expecting anything in return.” I know exactly what you mean. You want to give without mixed motives. You want to give even though there’s nothing in it for you. I agree!


But I believe that sometimes we take that thought too far, and it causes us to give unwisely. Here’s a truth that I believe:


Think about the difference between a gift and an investment. A gift may be given one-way with no expectation of any reward, but investing is done with the express purpose of a return or reward.

Think a little counter-intuitively with me for just a minute. We think of generous giving in terms of not expecting a reward, but I believe that when we give we should always expect a return or reward.

About now you may be thinking, “Where in the world is she going with this?” and you might even be ready to hit the “unsubscribe” button, but hang in there with me for just a few more minutes before you write me off.

First let’s define and separate the terms “giving” and “investing”. Let’s use the word “investing” to express times when we give to an individual or organization to help instead of just celebrating or treating someone.

Giving can be fun, spontaneous, and one-sided. It should be done without expecting a return, but…

Investing should be purposeful and should expect a return or outcome. What kind of outcomes should we expect when we invest in an individual or an organization?

We expect a work to be done in us. My whole blog post will be on this point next week, so hang on tight for this one!

We expect a work to be done in others. I can look back sadly on some times that I haven’t expected this, and I think now that it wasn’t truly godly investing. I’ve given to organizations willy-nilly based on my emotions without asking them to prove that the money was going to good work and that was producing good outcomes. That kind of investing isn’t generous at all. It’s squandering.

I think about times that I’ve given to people just because I thought I should without ever seeing any fruit in their lives. Maybe you’re in those shoes. There’s a family member who needs money from you every month, but they refuse to look for a job. There’s a beloved friend who is always falling short and needing help but always seems to have enough for the next pair of cute shoes. Or another who demands that you’re always there for her but is inevitably scarce when you’re hurting. There’s a child who is happy to cash the check but never has time to say “thank you”. I’m sure you could help me list more examples!

God is full of compassion and mercy forgives us over and over, but in His wisdom, there’s always a natural consequence for our sin or foolishness. This consequence is designed ultimately to teach us so that we don’t come to greater harm. We need to consider this part of God’s character as we invest as well as His generosity.

You can see that I’m not talking about a financial return, a return gift, or effusive thanks, but we should be keeping a look-out for fruit from our giving.

We expect an eternal “payout”. True investing, or godly giving, has divine rewards attached, but unwise investing often forfeits these rewards. Investing reaps abundance.

Luke 6:38, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Proverbs 11:24, “One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.”

I want to be quick to say that I’m not peddling prosperity theology. No way! Most often than not these rewards are much richer than dollars. Our “payout” comes in terms of joy from being in God’s will, closeness with Him as we express more of His generous nature, forgiveness that’s in the context of the Luke passage, or a thousand other spiritual blessings that God has to distribute.

Do you see what I mean now? Godly giving is really investing.

This is a fresh way to evaluate our giving rather than pouring our time, talents, and treasure into a black hole of “takers”. Finally let me give you a few questions to ask as you evaluate your present giving:

  • Is it consistently draining you instead of building you up? (More on this next week.)
  • Do you see fruit in the other’s life and/or whether it’s an individual or an organization? Is it measurable in some way? (If you’re interested in learning more about this, check out the book Measuring What Matters: Accountability and the Great Commission by Dave Stravers.)
  • Do you see glimpses of eternity and God’s rewards?


Note: I completely forgot about the giveaway from a couple of weeks ago, so I have two winners to announce today! Ronda (10.25.16 5:54 am), you’re the winner of a copy each of Breaking Up with Perfect and Taming the To-Do List. Courtney (11.4.16 2:32 pm), your’e the winner of Same Kind of Different as Me.

Congratulations to both of you! I’ve sent you each an email, so if you haven’t heard from me, please check your spam folder. I hope you enjoy your books!

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The Gift of Giving

To all of you visiting today from my devotion today, welcome! If you’re a first time visitor, welcome and a big, southern cyber-hug to you!! Would you leave me a comment to tell me where you’re from and a little something you think I should know about you? I truly want to meet you “personally”!

Your comment today will enter  you for one of my favorite books in the whole wide world, so make sure to read to the end and to comment whether you’re a new or old friend. 🙂


Just to give you an backstage view of the Proverbs 31 devotions, we writers have a deadline for devotions two months before they actually run. Because I write devotions so far in advance (and because I have a terrible memory), it never fails that I’m surprised by my own words. In fact, many times my devotions run just in time for a fresh reminder in my life.

That certainly happened with this month’s devotion. Here’s the sentence that pierced my heart:

“Sometimes I was reluctant to give because I felt too consumed by my every day schedule. Other times, I felt the pinch of need in my own life. And occasionally it was because I’d become jaded toward the recipients of my help.”

Ouch! In fact, I’ve been feeling that reluctance just this week. I also could add some other reasons to be reluctant to give. How about…?

  • It’s really close to Christmas. I need to save that money for gifts for my family.
  • I have kids in college. God understands about tuition, right?
  • I’m already giving in other places. One more? Really, God?

I’m just keepin’ it real here. I’ll bet y’all are better people than me, but maybe, just maybe, you’ve thought some of those things too?

Even though I have reasons that seem legitimate and that would make others say, “You’re so right. I understand!” that hasn’t been God’s response. He has a giving project in mind for me, and He every-so-gently keeps tugging at my heart, pushing through my excuses and reminding me that…

I know it’s true not only because I’ve experienced it myself but because that’s the kind of God we serve. He’s a giver extraordinaire. He gives generously, and He loves to give. Scripture tells us those truths. God encourages us to be like Him.


But there’s one big obstacle that has been keeping me from following God in His giving character. On top of all the other excuses I generate, there are a couple of questions that plague me. What if I give to the wrong place/person/organization? What if I contribute to more harm than good?

I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I want to share with you from what I’ve been learning as the Coordinator of International Initiatives for Proverbs 31 Ministries. It’s one of the most exciting roles I’ve ever taken on, and I’m immensely proud that our ministry is giving so generously. I have to share that it’s scary, though. My team and I feel the huge responsibility of giving wisely.

Here are some practical steps toward wise giving we’ve taken that you can take as well:

  1. Prayerfully make a list of your priorities. Ask yourself what passions God has laid on your heart? For example, at Proverbs 31, we know that God has given us a call to end biblical poverty. What has God called you to do with your giving? Address hunger? End slavery? Stop abuse? There’s usually not one thing, so make a list.
  2. Research organizations that match up to your callings. For Proverbs 31, it was important to us that we find an organization that prioritizes scripture like we do. That’s why we were so thrilled to be partnered with Mission India’s literacy classes this year! Find an organization that has a heartbeat like yours.
  3. Check your organization’s reputation. This is super-important.  A friend just had her heart broken when she learned that an organization she had been contributing to for years had been pocketing most of the money her family gave instead of doing the ministry they promised. You can look up your organization on these accountability sites: Charity Navigator and Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability.
  4. Ask to speak to someone on staff. This might feel awkward, but I believe it’s an important final decision-making step. Organizations should be happy to speak to potential donors to answer their questions no matter the size of the gift. If they won’t, I would count that as a disqualifier. If they will, pray that God will give you discernment as you speak with them. There’s a lot that websites don’t say, but a representative should be able to give you a clear vision of the work they’re doing.

After we’ve taken all those steps, we can confidently say as Rita’s mom said, “My responsibility isn’t in the receiving. My responsibility is in the giving!”

I want to give YOU some gifts today! First, there’s the giveaway. One of my favorite books both about the gift of giving (sometimes you become the biggest recipient before you know it!!) is The Same Kind of Different as Me, the true story of a friendship between a wealthy art dealer and a man who had been homeless most of his life.


Denver Moore & Ron Hall

Leave a comment about giving to enter, or if you’re on the run, simply say “I embrace the gift of giving!”

I’m so glad you’re here today, and I’d like to personally offer some other things to you that I’ve built into my site as free gifts for you. If you’re looking for:

A community that wants to grow deeper relationships…                                                                                                                   Click here to receive an email from me a couple times a week by subscribing to the blog.

Free wallpaper for your screen to remind you that you’re breaking up with perfect…                                                   Click here and choose your favorite style.

Encouragement and information for fellow and budding speakers…                                                                                      Click here for my page that’s chock full of information for speakers.

A speaker for your next women’s event…                                                                                                                                                    Click here to watch a sample video and read about my heart. I’d love to serve your group.

A podcast to with refreshment for women worn out from following bad rules …                                                                  Click here to listen to my Grit ‘n’ Grace podcast with Cheri Gregory.


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Savoring the Gift of Giving


There’s nothing better than seeing someone light up when they open your gift… until you open the new year bills.

Cheri and Amy talk about giving out of our abundance as a solution for the post-Christmas blues, and they give practical suggestions for great gifts you can give this year!

Click on the graphic above to listen, or if you prefer reading to listening, you can download the transcript of this episode.

And seriously y’all… Cheri and our staff of incredible interns have stepped up our resources game beyond imagination. Don’t miss out on the Show Notes links and the FREE Downloads section. There are so many amazing goodies there!

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Episode #17: Choosing to Be Human


Cheri and Amy process lessons learned from Lucille Zimmerman about play and grief.

There are choices to be made in both. Will we choose the bonding of play? Will we let time soften and redeem? Click on the graphic above to listen.

While you’re at Cheri’s site, please make sure to take a minute to complete the survey. We’d love to hear what you think and who you’d like to hear interviewed in the future!

Coming Next Week…


We’re taking a break October-December: a holiday break!

For the next ten episodes, we’ll be giving you permission to break holiday bad rules and offering you practical pointers to totally rock holiday delight.

We’ll keep things short, sweet, and a wee bit sassy—without a stitch of guilt.

Join us next week as we kick off the Grit ‘n’ Grace Holiday Break. And by all means, invite your friends.

It’s waaaay more fun breaking bad rules together!

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It’s Just a Week Away

I’m so excited that the Online Book Study of Breaking Up with Perfect will begin next Monday! It’s going to be a great time of connecting and growing together.


I know some of you have questions about how the study will happen, so I thought I’d ease any anxiety about the unknown by going through the details today. If you haven’t signed up, please join us! Here’s all you need to do to be ready to join us next Monday:

  • Make sure you’re subscribed to the blog. If you’re receiving this as an email, you’re set to go. Otherwise, click here to subscribe.
  • Purchase either a book or digital version of Breaking Up with Perfect from your favorite book seller by clicking on the name of the retailer. Proverbs 31 Ministries (all proceeds go back into the ministry), Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Christian Book Distributers. I’ve been hearing that the book is a bit scarce, but there are copies around. Lifeway, Family Christian, and Barnes & Noble are also carrying the book in some of their stores, so you may be able to find one right in your home town.
  • Optional: Get a FREE downloadable version of the Participant’s Guide by sending a picture of your receipt or of you with your book to breakingupwithperfect1@gmail.com.
  • Optional: Join the Facebook page where we’ll interact in a more private setting by clicking here.

If you aren’t planning to join us for the whole study, you’ll still get some of the content right here on the blog each week. Make sure to see the info at the bottom of the page about my first interview with Barry before you leave!

If you are planning to participate, here are all the details you’ll need. If I leave your question unanswered, please leave it as a comment, and I’ll be sure to answer it right away!

  • We’re going to be moving through the book super-fast to get it all in during the six weeks we’re together. If you want to start reading ahead, that’s completely fine.
  • Here’s the reading schedule:
    • Week 1 (Aug. 1-7): Intro & Chapter 1
    • Week 2 (Aug. 8-14): Chapters 2 & 3
    • Week 3 (Aug. 15-21): Chapters 4,5 & 6
    • Week 4 (Aug. 22-28): Chapters 7, 8 & 9
    • Week 5 (Aug. 29-Sept. 4): Chapters 10 & 11
    • Week 6 (Sept. 5) Final post on the blog
  • Do only the number of activities that work for you that week. If all you can get done is the reading, that’s just fine! Join & study as much or as little as you can. This is a no guilt zone!
  • The beauty of this study is that it’s “evergreen”. If you get behind, the blog posts will always be here. You can catch up at your own pace.
  • If you’re a small group leader that wants to go through it later with your group, the posts will be here AND I’ll embed the Facebook Live videos in the posts mid-September for additional content for you.

Here’s what the weekly schedule will look like:

  • Monday Moments— Mondays have two separate parts.
    • There will be blog posts right here connecting Breaking Up with Perfect to my powerful lessons from my last trip to India. This will be a slant on the book that nobody but our group will get!
    • I’ll also be on our private Facebook page each Monday night at 8:00 – 8:30 pm ET on Facebook Live for personal interaction with YOU. The first 15 minutes will be video. The second will be questions that allow you to join into a conversation. It’s going to be fast-paced and fun!
      • Participate Live— Go to our private Facebook page at 8:00 pm Eastern Time, and the video will be right there. You can leave comments that I’ll be able to see, so I can answer questions and interact with you personally. It’s a BLAST, and I’ll give you some directions each night so that you can participate fully.
      • Watch any time— If you can’t tune in live, you’ll still be able to watch the video and comment. We’d love to hear from you when you can chime in. I know the time will be tough for you west coast girls and our international participants.
  • Thursday Thrills— Some fun FREE resources will be shared on the blog and on the Facebook page. Make sure to join us both places!
  • Friday Forum— Each week on Friday, we’ll have a chance to share together on the Facebook page. What was your light bulb moment for the week? Questions will be posted in the morning, and you can comment when you have time. Make sure to join the community fun! Your comment will enter you for some great {Giveaways}.

Finally, there are only 7 days left before we start, so please invite your friends by sending them the link to this post. We’ve got great momentum in building this movement to break up with perfect.

I think that about covers it. Do you have any additional questions? I’d love to help!


As a little extra this week, I wanted to share the podcast of the very first interview that Barry and I have done together. We had a great time talking about what it looks like for two strong-willed people to navigate marriage and parenting together–sparks and fireworks! Click on the graphic below to listen.


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How to Squash the Love-Killers in Our Marriage

Eps-2-Header-Facebook-Share1-550-widthEpisode #02 of Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules is ready to go! Here’s the scoop:

Unrealistic expectations are the stealthy, silent love-killers in our marriages. To let love triumph over outcomes, we have to start reigning in our expectations and allowing love to thrive.

Cheri and Amy discuss the root of expectations and steps to shift our focus to create a more positive dynamic in our marriages.

Click here to go listen.

Not convinced that Grit ‘n’ Grace is for you? Here’s more of the scoop:

Grit ‘n’ Grace is refreshment for women worn out from following bad rules, working to keep everybody else happy, and overextending their time and emotions. Through interviews with insightful and inspiring guests, Cheri Gregory and Amy Carroll will help you to:

~ Recalculate your journey from our culture’s bad rules to your own Jesus-made path.
~ Overcome error terror as you commit to learning from failure.
~ Replace the exhaustion of self-made goodness with the rest of God’s grace.
~ Discern whose input to invite and whose feedback to forget.
~ Leverage the strength of your emotions instead of either ignoring or being ruled by them.

So join us with your favorite cup of sweet tea and listen in weekly for a new episode of Grit ‘n’ Grace.

There’s a great giveaway and a practical, beautiful and FREE download. Don’t miss out! Click here to go and try it out.

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Introducing Grit ‘n’ Grace

Have you ever been in a slump? And then something comes around to fan your flames and re-energize you? That’s what’s been happening in my life in the few weeks.

About 6 weeks ago, my friend Cheri Gregory called me and asked me to co-host the podcast she was planning to start. When somebody asks me a question that I know is going to add a “plate” to the ones already spinning, I usually stall. And then I pray. And then I say NO!

This time was different, though. First, I love Cheri and the way her amazing brain spins out ideas like sparkler sparks. I also knew that my slump was partially from sitting alone in front of a computer screen for too many hours, and this project meant spending time with Cheri and lots of other fascinating people.

I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even pray. (Sometimes you just know a God thing the minute you hear it!)

I said YES!!

Here’s how it’s going to work on my end. I’ll be posting here twice a week now. One day a week will be the same as it’s always been– some thoughts from me. The other day will be a lead-in and a link to Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules with all the goodies involved over at Cheri’s blog. Here’s what you’ll get there:

  • The podcast. We’re keeping it to 20 minutes max, and we’ve got some amazing interviews lined up–like so amazing that I can barely sleep at night for thinking about the next person we get to talk to! Also, Cheri and I are committed to giving you something usable every week in a fun format. That girl is funny, and she’s bringing out my funny too. (Note: The first two are on marriage, but hang in there, single friends. We’ve got lots coming that’s for the whole crowd.)
  • Fun Downloads. This week there’s a printable coloring page with a life-changing statement.
  • Giveaways. Almost every week our guests will be giving away a copy of their book or another resource. I love free stuff, and I know you do too!

So… without further ado… here’s:

FINAL Grit n Grace Logo

Podcast Episode #1: The Secret to Disappointment-Proofing Your Marriage

Do you long for a better marriage but just can’t seem to figure out how to change directions and erase the disappointment you feel? Kathi Lipp, author of The Husband Project, gives practical advice and one key secret for disappointment-proofing our marriages. Also, hear why Cheri Gregory and Amy Carroll started this podcast and why it’s for you!

Click here to listen to the podcast and see goodies.

I’d like your feedback, too. We’re newbies at this, so let us know what you like, what’s not your favorite, and who you’d like to hear interviewed!

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Super-Charging the Power of Your Life

In today’s devotion I talked about the power of one woman. YOU can be that one woman by finding one woman to pour your life into! By passing on the Life Jesus has given to you, you can become part of God’s eternal story. Your story won’t end with you. It will outlast you–super-charged.

Sounds inspiring, right? It seems like more of us would invest in others if the results are that amazing, but I think there’s a huge obstacle.

Let’s break it down a little to make it less intimidating. Titus 2:3-5 has been one of my favorite verses for a long time because I’ve had women who have helped me in every category. Here’s what it says,

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:3-5 NIV)

I’ve had older women do each of these, so let me give you a little picture:

  • “Love their husbands”–Without even knowing I was observing her, Deborah modeled this for me. I had been told that she made a commitment never to speak negatively of her husband. I was skeptical, so I started to watch. Sure enough. In our groups, she always spoke highly of her husband, and I could see the fruit. Although they had elementary-middle school aged kids, the two of them acted like newly weds. Their love for each other was pure and evident.
  • “And children”– My friend Macon would invite me over occasionally for lunch while her kids were growing and before I had any. I watched her lovingly care for her children, instill God’s Word in them, and discipline them firmly yet with grace. She set a standard for me that I wanted to replicate in my own family.
  • “To be self-controlled”— My mouth has always been responsible for lots of my troubles. It’s a struggle for me to control my words, and for a long time I didn’t even think it was important. Mona, a formal mentor when I was leading women’s ministry, lived so differently than I did. She thought about each word she said, measuring it against scripture. She was slow to speak, and wisdom was the hallmark of her life. Through studying the way she lived, I’ve learned discretion and self-control in my speaking. (Most of the time! I’m still in process, and I still struggle here!)
  • “Pure”– Layne, my friend I talked about in today’s devotion, modeled purity for my teen-aged self right at the time I was making important decisions about my sexuality. I’m so thankful for the time she lived in my backyard, because I was on the path to some devastating choices.
  • “To be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands”– My mother covered these three beautifully. If any of her friends were asked what she’s known for, I would guess that they’d say her kindness, her well-run home, and her loving relationship with my dad. Mamas, don’t underestimate the power you have in your children’s lives. My mom has been my main influence, and she’s my One Woman of all women!

I wanted to paint these pictures for you so that you can see that you DO have something to pass on. Some mentoring is formal while some is living life beside each other. Some is of a theological/teaching nature while some is very practical. Much of it is purely relational.

As a way to encourage you to look for your One Woman, I have a special giveaway today. I’ve included a variety books from my friends so that you’ll have a choice of one to walk through with your One Woman.


Come with Me by Suzie Eller

In This House We Will Giggle by Courtney DeFeo

It’s Good to Be Queen by Liz Curtis Higgs

5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit by Nick Koziarz

Breaking Up with Perfect by Amy Carroll

This is quite a package, so please enter today to win! To enter, leave a comment, or if you’re living life on the fly, simply leave a comment saying, “I’m passing on what I’ve been given.”

I’m so happy you’ve been here today, and I’d love for you to join me every week and all along the journey! Click here to subscribe and click here to like my Facebook page.

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Better Marriages for Less-Than-Perfect Wives

Whew! Wives, do you ever get overwhelmed like me? You truly want to do better and improve your marriage, but you need some practical advice from a girlfriend who encourages and doesn’t judge?

Well, I want to introduce you to that girlfriend. Her name is Kathi Lipp, and I’m thrilled to share her wisdom with you today. Hang tight to the end for where to get more of this good, good stuff and for how to enter to win a copy of her book The Husband Project. Here’s Kathi!


I am a less-than-perfect wife. And on some days, I’m a barely passing wife.

There are days that my husband deserves better. I know this. But with real life, I get real tired. And my husband – he’s lucky to get leftovers (for dinner – and of me.)

So what do you do when you know you should be doing more for your relationships. But. You. Just. Can’t.

  1. Start where you are.

Maybe the past few years have been tough ones. Little kids, little money, little romance. Every marriage goes through tough times but YOU CAN start where you are and make your marriage better than it was last week. Not perfect. Not awesome. But better than it was a week ago.

It’s easy to get discouraged when you don’t see huge improvements in your relationship. But know, that for every little thing you do, you are investing in not just your husband, but in yourself as well.

When you buy him a great piece of chocolate for no reason, or take out the trash on a day when he’s totally exhausted, or give him ten minutes when he walks in the door to decompress, it may seem small – insignificant really. But over time these little things add up to a reservoir of respect and love.

  1. Stop comparing your marriage (and your husband) to everyone else’s.

It’s easy to see your co-worker getting flowers delivered at work and think, “Man, I wish my husband were more like that.” But what you may not know is that your co-worker doesn’t want flowers – in fact – they are on the financial edge and she is scared of losing her house due to his financial irresponsibility. She envies your husband who seemingly manages your money well and is constantly saying no to upgrades around the house, better cars, etc. to decrease the stress and pressure that things like this can put on a household.

Remember, we only get invited onto the front porch of other people’s relationships – not the messy back room where all the junk can be seen.

What I would recommend instead is look at other wives and be inspired by what they are doing to improve their marriage- and then ask for help. Any wife would be honored to be told, “You’re doing a great job – can you help me be better about encouraging my husband?”

  1. Know that you can make a difference.

I think a lot of the reasons that women don’t want to work to improve their marriage is that they’ve tried before with not great results. But here is what I’ve learned: You’ve become wiser since the last time you tried. You know more about yourself and more about your husband. You may not be able to “fix” your marriage in a week, but in a week, you can make your home a softer place to land for your husband and yourself. You can speak gently, love openly and encourage greatly – setting the stage to make even more improvements in your relationship.

Because you’re worth it, your husband is worth it, and your marriage is worth it.


Seriously. Don’t you love Kathi already? She lives all the way on the far coast from me, but I’m plotting to lure her to NC via She Speaks and keep her here.

Do you need more of what you got here today? I do. The good news is that we can spend lots more time with Kathi this summer because Proverbs 31 Ministries’ summer Online Bible Study is her book The Husband Project.

I signed up and purchased my book before I posted tonight so that I could invite you to join me. We can chat about it right here or over on my Facebook page sometimes! Click on the graphic below to go register, but before you do…


Make sure to leave a comment to enter to win a copy of Breaking Up with Perfect along with a copy of The Husband Project.

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