Amy Carroll » Blog » Before You Speak… Ask.

Before You Speak… Ask.

Our news cycle continues to bring hard conversations to the forefront, but before we speak into the hard places, we need to pause to ask before we give an answer.

In the last post, I shared my 24-hour rule, a guideline for myself that allows my emotions to cool. Today, I have another quick tip.

Tip #2: Before you say the hard thing, ask yourself two questions.

Is this what my Father is telling me to say?

In John 8:28, Jesus says, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.” (NIV emphasis added) In other words, Jesus only did what the Father told Him to do, and He only said what the Father told Him to say.

Before we speak, we need to seek God and determine if our next words are His will or our own.

Tough, huh? I know. I’m convicted of how often I ignore my own advice even as I type it. This is an aspirational tip! I truly want to be refined by God until I’m living it out.

Is this the way Spirit would say it?

Your mama told it right. It’s not just what you say. It’s how you say it.

Recently, God showed me that the way I’ve been saying things has been falling short. He’s given us all a model of how we should speak, and it’s in Galatians 5: 22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (NIV)

Before I speak, I’m learning to compare my heart-motive and words to the fruit of the Spirit. When they don’t measure up, I’m not ready to speak. It’s a simple tool but so, so hard to practice.

How’s it going for you as you practice being a godly woman who speaks up in godly ways? I’d love to hear your tips and what you’re learning in the comments!


Thank you, friends, for being so patient with me! It seems like blogging is the first thing to go when life gets busy. I want to give you some updates, though, because I don’t want to do life and ministry without you,

  • Lynn Cowell and I are busy bees working up to the launch of Esther: Seeing Our Invisible God in an Uncertain World on July 12th. There will be many more details coming soon, and we’re beyond excited to share our book baby with you!
  • Women of Joy, the trip to France that I just co-lead, exceeded every expectation. Travel was dreamy, and God showed up more powerfully in the lives of our group than I could have imagined. For more pictures and all the full story, follow me on Instagram or Facebook.
  • Because we had a traveler that had to back out, we have one spot open on our trip to Italy. If you’re interested, check out the details and apply today! (Several of our travelers to France were blog readers just like you. What a blessing to me to get to be friends with them in person!)

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  1. I love this topic! I’ve been rereading Exhale, and trying to come to terms with who I really am. I’m sure God designed me to be a woman who’s not afraid to speak her mind, and speak up for injustice. It’s served me well in my professional life. However, in many venues (like church) it’s been easier to put on the facade of middle class, middle aged church lady. Speak up, and ouch! You get your hands slapped sometimes. Learning to balance this!

  2. Oh goodness this is causing me to check my spirit today… And my mouth. Is this the way the Spirit would say it? I’m going to be asking that question. Thank you for writing this!

  3. Lord, I’m asking this question in my life today “Is this the way Spirit would say it?” Show me Your way using Your words. I need You. Amen

    Thank you, Amy!

  4. Rev Dr . Pastress& sister’s in christ. Amy & Lynn , wow ! Praise the Lord o my Soul. Praise the Lord. Amen ! Amen ! At the very outset i wish you a very good good morning to you sister’s local time & very good evening to you all from Hyderabad Telangana state. God’s Blessings Be with you All & all your Family members too in peace and safestway. Galatians 5; 22-23 wonderfully you mentioned against such things there is no Law . Amy & Lynn excuse me, not because of traveling with you to italy , only reason is that i,don’t’ve a Job this is the reason , stopping me to apply .By the Blessings of our lord i’ll arrange the money .Thanking You with warm Regards V BORRA REDDY Mobile Phone. #; 957-316-1036

  5. Jackie Yongue says:

    Thank you Amy. So often I speak before I ask God for help. Sometimes I stop talking, ask him to help me before I continue. And then either remain quiet or continue after I take that breath.

  6. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. It has truly blessed my soul this morning. May God bless you abundantly.