Better Marriages for Less-Than-Perfect Wives

Whew! Wives, do you ever get overwhelmed like me? You truly want to do better and improve your marriage, but you need some practical advice from a girlfriend who encourages and doesn’t judge?

Well, I want to introduce you to that girlfriend. Her name is Kathi Lipp, and I’m thrilled to share her wisdom with you today. Hang tight to the end for where to get more of this good, good stuff and for how to enter to win a copy of her book The Husband Project. Here’s Kathi!

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I am a less-than-perfect wife. And on some days, I’m a barely passing wife.

There are days that my husband deserves better. I know this. But with real life, I get real tired. And my husband – he’s lucky to get leftovers (for dinner – and of me.)

So what do you do when you know you should be doing more for your relationships. But. You. Just. Can’t.

  1. Start where you are.

Maybe the past few years have been tough ones. Little kids, little money, little romance. Every marriage goes through tough times but YOU CAN start where you are and make your marriage better than it was last week. Not perfect. Not awesome. But better than it was a week ago.

It’s easy to get discouraged when you don’t see huge improvements in your relationship. But know, that for every little thing you do, you are investing in not just your husband, but in yourself as well.

When you buy him a great piece of chocolate for no reason, or take out the trash on a day when he’s totally exhausted, or give him ten minutes when he walks in the door to decompress, it may seem small – insignificant really. But over time these little things add up to a reservoir of respect and love.

  1. Stop comparing your marriage (and your husband) to everyone else’s.

It’s easy to see your co-worker getting flowers delivered at work and think, “Man, I wish my husband were more like that.” But what you may not know is that your co-worker doesn’t want flowers – in fact – they are on the financial edge and she is scared of losing her house due to his financial irresponsibility. She envies your husband who seemingly manages your money well and is constantly saying no to upgrades around the house, better cars, etc. to decrease the stress and pressure that things like this can put on a household.

Remember, we only get invited onto the front porch of other people’s relationships – not the messy back room where all the junk can be seen.

What I would recommend instead is look at other wives and be inspired by what they are doing to improve their marriage- and then ask for help. Any wife would be honored to be told, “You’re doing a great job – can you help me be better about encouraging my husband?”

  1. Know that you can make a difference.

I think a lot of the reasons that women don’t want to work to improve their marriage is that they’ve tried before with not great results. But here is what I’ve learned: You’ve become wiser since the last time you tried. You know more about yourself and more about your husband. You may not be able to “fix” your marriage in a week, but in a week, you can make your home a softer place to land for your husband and yourself. You can speak gently, love openly and encourage greatly – setting the stage to make even more improvements in your relationship.

Because you’re worth it, your husband is worth it, and your marriage is worth it.

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Seriously. Don’t you love Kathi already? She lives all the way on the far coast from me, but I’m plotting to lure her to NC via She Speaks and keep her here.

Do you need more of what you got here today? I do. The good news is that we can spend lots more time with Kathi this summer because Proverbs 31 Ministries’ summer Online Bible Study is her book The Husband Project.

I signed up and purchased my book before I posted tonight so that I could invite you to join me. We can chat about it right here or over on my Facebook page sometimes! Click on the graphic below to go register, but before you do…

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Make sure to leave a comment to enter to win a copy of Breaking Up with Perfect along with a copy of The Husband Project.

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Comments

  1. Sarah says

    Lately I have been in a slump. One that has left me dealing with anxiety and having a hard time feeling joy. I have 7 kiddos and really want my children to be raised in a joyful, Christ-centered household. I have been looking for a new book to read for awhile and was reading an email from Proverbs 31 about choosing joy which wasexactly what I needed to hear. Just like Amy described, I have no major issues, just a bunch of little ones that seem to add up. Thank you for your blog and the email I received this morning : )

  2. Nancy Parsons says

    I just began exploring these pages – must be divine intervention because it’s nearlt 4:30 a.m. and my marriage has been recently traveling the bumpy gravel road of my impatience with my husband’s imperfections. We’re not in either of the stages you mentioned in this post, although we’ve been there. At 76 & 68 respectively, we have shared 44 years of wedded bliss (and sorrow, and anger, and growing apart then coming back together). My God isgood, for he led me here to positivity and devotion! Thank you. AND … winning the books would be a wonderful bonus!! They are just what I need to help keep me focused on traveling the path Godinte ended for us all.

  3. Cynthia says

    Thank you for your posting and reminding us not to compare our marriage to others. It’s so easy to do that when all we see is just a glimpse of someone else’s marriage and not the entire picture.

  4. Becky Barnes says

    Your thoughts and words are helpful. Need to get back to God’s ways. Last few years have been tough. Thanks for all you do!

  5. Dana says

    I am struggling myself lately and feel I was led to your blog/website for a reason. Although I need to work on myself right now, I plan to take your suggestion and focus on praying for one woman. I love that idea and what better way to help myself but to focus on someone else. Thank you.

  6. Brenda L says

    I’ve been dating a wonderful man after being single over 20 years. I want this relationship to be powered by God and put Him first. This study can help me do that. Thank you for the insight.

  7. Creselda Diosdado says

    Definitely need both The Husband Project & Breaking Up with Perfect. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not only investing in my husband, but in myself as well.

  8. Tanya Deavers says

    New to this ministry site and already long for it to come across my computer! Thank you for spiritual insights! Praying who my one woman will be! I’d love to have these books to share!

  9. Tara Bussey says

    Thank you for reminding me to pray about my one woman. I am longing to have an impact on someone’s life and be impacted as well. I know that out of this relationship I will gain much more than I could possibly give.

  10. Lori says

    Thank you for sharing such beautiful, Godly wisdom with me and the world today! I am praying for my one (but I can think of SO many more that need that too!)

  11. Jan Rosado says

    Your offer is amazing and timely! Married 33 years with the last 13 being an emotional and stressful roller-coaster, God telling me to stay, my pride and heart wanting to run…. Searching for God’s heart in how to better serve others…. As I said, so timely. Thank you.

  12. Karen Callis says

    Help! This OCD perfectionist needs help letting go of the uncontrollable in order to better her marriage.

  13. Vanessa says

    I just started reading a book about being a submissive wife. Looks like God wants me to learn how to better my relationship with my husband. This study looks like a great next step.

  14. Dawn says

    I’ve been praying to our father for a change in direction in my marriage. This is a blessing! Thank you for my confirmation of where to seek my other new answers! God bless you!

  15. Tehila says

    These look like fantastic books that every wife should have on her shelf! It would be truly wonderful to win them! Thank you for your message of encouragement and hope for wives everywhere! God bless you!

  16. Lisa says

    Thank you both for writing these books. I look forward to the study and getting to the heart of the matter. Been happily married for 12 years and every little bit helps.

  17. Connie says

    I relate to what was said, about having tried things before but it hasn’t worked. A wife can get discouraged.
    Thanks for the opportunity to win this book.

  18. Paula Fairchild says

    What a beautiful blog! I just discovered you today and 8 look forward to subscribing. I’d love to read more of four work and this book would be so applicable.

  19. Sue says

    This post was such a blessing! My husband and I have been married almost 9 years. We don’t have kids but life is sure busy and it seems like leftovers (of food and me) are always on the menu. I look forward to doing this study and hopefully winning the book and Breaking Up with Perfect in the giveaway. Thanks for always being so real with us, Amy. You are such a blessing to so many.

  20. Miranda says

    This sounds like a great book I have been praying for my marriage for a long time and we could definitely use this! Thanks so much for sharing!

  21. Jalen says

    We will be celebrating our 15th anniversary in Sept and receiving these books would definitely help us refresh and rejuvenate our marriage!

  22. Rachel Moss says

    So encouraging! Thank you for your stories. I am tentatively joining the world of social media, a little leery of what I might find. I am glad to discover similar minded folks sharing their God-centered lives and stories with the world. I too am trying to walk in reluctant obedience by opening up my life to the world. I’m freaked out! Please stop by and say hello.
    Rachel
    http://www.hiddenmanifest.com

  23. Racquel Hiben says

    I loved Breaking up with Perfect! It really helped me put so many aspects of my life into perspective. I would love the Husband Project to work on my marriage as a new and improved me!

  24. Terri C. says

    I was just about to sign up for the study! Loved this post, and can’t wait to do the study this summer 🙂

  25. Jamie Wagner says

    Sometime you do not realize what you have until you lose a spouse by death. God wonderfully gave me another Godly husband. The things that you might have fussed about before or thought to be important are not. I know every moment is to be cherished. Can always make improvements in the relationship.

  26. katharine says

    Thanks for the book suggestion and the giveaway. I love the idea of not being perfect, but trying to be just a little better each week. Brilliant.

  27. Andrea Austin says

    I was intrigued enough to sign up for the study starting in June and look forward to the book. Marriage is worth the investment to learn better. When we learn better we love better. I want to love my man like Jesus loves me. Excited for this!

  28. Debbie Chas says

    We have been married for almost 45 years. We’ve had better times; we’ve had worse. But at this point in our lives, with retirement quickly approaching, am I ready to spend 24/7 with this man I fell in love with? I sure could use some help preparing for it.

  29. Sheila W. says

    I can not wait for this study to start. I think we could all learn something from Kathi, The Husband Project book and this study. Think it would be great to do the study with a small group of women as accountability partners.

  30. Sharon says

    Speak gently love openly and encourage greatly -I love this statement. I’m going to borrow it and I’m going to use it to not only encourage myself to be a better wife and mother but for the people in my church too.

  31. Stacie Beshears says

    I love this post and thank you for it. Today, the Lord has pointed me to many devotions and words that I need in my life. I plan on doing the Proverbs 31 study and am looking forward to it. I’m just waiting to get my book before I sign up. 🙂

  32. Julie says

    Wow! Timely, as always! I would love to win the book but intend on buying it anyway. If I’m blessed with the free book, it will be a gift to one of my sisters or friends. Thank you!!!

  33. Tabby says

    Me and my husband have been through a lot in the past two years, he was laid off , we have dealt with trust issues, money, test of faith ect. We are finally at our mend and our marriage is better than ever 🙂 I can not wait to read this one I know it will help excel our marriage even more.

  34. Stroud says

    I just love it when God uses women to help each other. There is such a need in our day and time for Godliness. I’m so encouraged to see young Christian authors using their gifts and insights to help in areas where the enemy is having a hey day! You are providing part of the armor that we must put on daily. Thank you for being used of God in an area which is vital to our society. These are tough times. Keep putting Truth out there!

  35. Susan says

    Both of these sound amazing. I know we all get so busy that sometimes our marriage is the last thing we realize needs help.

  36. Stephnie Metzer says

    There is no “perfect” marriage. We have a strong foundation, but our marriage is a work in progress! I’ve been married 18 1/2 years. We are both committed to each other and we work through anything that bogs us down. Sometimes that means we are silent with one another for a bit before addressing issues, but that is ok. It helps us regroup and focus on our family. With God on our side, we get through the rough spots and rejoice in the happiness! I would love a copy of this book because I love learning and implementing new ideas in our lives.

    Steph M.

  37. Amy Nelson says

    This Bible study couldn’t have come at a better time in my life! Very excited and in need of this wisdom and encouragement.

  38. Michelle O'Connor says

    I’m signed up! Looking forward to it! We’ve been married almost 37 years, but I look forward to seeing how I can improve our relationship!

  39. Kim says

    After 25 years of what I thought was a good marriage, maybe not great but I was working to refresh it. I learned my husband wasn’t beIng faithful to me. Right now I am just working to save the marriage or even figure out if it should be saved. I would love these books for my daughter who has been married a few years. I don’t want her to think her marriage will be like ours. Any advice or words of encouragement.

  40. Susan says

    Very timely post and admonition! Just celebrated 35 years of marriage. I am not what I used to be, but not yet where God desires me to be. It’s a life long journey . I would love to have these resources. Thank you..

  41. Wendy G. Bronson says

    What an awesome book. My hubby and I are in a season of needing refreshing. It’s easy to think other marriages seem to be better. I like the comment that we’re only invited onto the front porch of other relationships. Our front porch looks pretty good. Thank you ladies for the refocus. God bless!

  42. Julie says

    I’ve been married for 26 years, and we’ve been through some tough times. We are at a better place than we have been, yet I long for more. I want my marriage to be fulfilling and God-honoring. I’d love to have a resource that would help.

  43. Mary in NH says

    This post was awesome! I’ve been praying for some susinct wisdom to share with my daughter who will be married next month. This sums it up! I’d love to have copies of those books to give her as a gift.

  44. Diana Gudeman says

    There is always room for improvement, and I’m excited and thankful for the summer study and encouragement! Thank you!

  45. Linda says

    Both your and Kathi’s words have struck a chord in me, as I have so much to learn in both areas ! I am thankful that God has led me to seek out resources and that He has provided them through your ministry and that of Proverbs 31.
    Thank you so much for speaking into my life, and the opportunity to win and leaen more!

  46. Linda C. says

    I am so excited about this study. My marriage has been going through a rough season. Praise the Lord we are making progress, but I know that learning to love my husband better will only help. I would love to win the books and since I am currently reading “Breaking up with Perfect”, I will find someone to share it with if I were to win. Thank you both for all the you do to encourage women around the world!

  47. Stephanie Cramer says

    Thank you to both of you for writing books that at this point in my life are what I need to focus on the most. Looking forwards to reading both books! God bless you both!

  48. Shannon says

    I have been wanting Breaking up with Perfect!! Working on marriage is never a bad idea either! Both books would be a blessing! Thanks for the giveaway! Good luck to all!!