Boundaries for Speaking Up
Speaking up where we’ve been called to be an advocate can be hard, and it can be filled with land mines– emotions, disagreements, and personal failures. I know I’ve experienced those, and that’s why boundaries are so important.
In this video, I tell about two personal failures that I’ve experienced recently and the boundaries that I’m learning to set.
If you haven’t watched last week’s yet, you might want to watch it first since I talk about building emotional resilience. Watch “Preparation for Speaking Up” here.
Then watch “Boundaries for Speaking Up” below.
In this video, I talk about setting boundaries based on Jesus’ example in Luke 2: 41-52. He shows us how to set clear boundaries in 2 ways:
- Be clear about your mission.
- Confidently create boundaries around your mission.
Share: What are your boundaries for speaking up? I want to learn from YOU!
Most of us need help with boundaries, so Cheri and I dug in deep when we wrote Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well. Pick up a copy today to learn to set healthy boundaries that free up your life to be about your Father’s business! (Note: The book is free to borrow for Amazon Prime members. Woot!)
Dr. Cloud’s Boundaries books are excellent. My favorite book of his is Power of the Other. Most especially the chapter: The Bermuda Triangle of Relationships. Our entire culture communicates via triangulation. He gives examples in all situations and also gives readers tips how to set up your own personal boundaries so that you don’t end up on the “victim persecutor rescuer” triad.
I’ve always loved the story of Jesus setting boundaries as a tween. I have twin tweens and that story (as I’ve been separated for going on four years) keeps me as a servant egalitarian leader of our home. Power over authoritarian relationships are not healthy. I prefer authoritative where we all have perspectives and input even if as the leader I have to make the final decision.
How Would Jesus Raise a Child? By Theresa Whitehouse was a good book to hone these skills. It seems like it’s breaking conventional wisdom. But “wisdom is shown right by its results.”
However when I saw the post about boundaries when you are in a psychologically and/or emotionally abusive marriage the stories that are more fitting of the “punishment” for doing that remind me of the woman stoned and Jesus being crucified for going big or going home on confrontation of major issues and instilling boundaries to keep it as serious as it is without allowing the skilled covert abusers to minimize justify spiritualize etc.
Below. This is exactly what is happening to me. And it’s happened to me over and over and over as I try to get my husband professional help. He’s fired three therapists once they spoke with me and he didn’t have them groomed anymore. His family practically tells him it’s okay to “beat me” with psychological abuse smear campaigns manipulation. Guilt fear using my kids to make me feel bad back into “submission.”
This is exactly the process that happens when you stand up to abuse. In my case he is the one who pretends to file for fugitive over and over tells the whole town he is. But in a covert way that makes it appear that I’m abusing him. I’ve been isolated from my entire community. My boss even lives across the street from my BIL. The defamation of my character has been horrific to bear.
Praying for you in your painful situation, Erin. My prayer is for peace both internally and from the terrible circumstances. Love to you!