I was overwhelmingly excited about going to She Speaks, but as the days went by, I began struggling more and more. I was going by myself, so I was nervous about rooming with a stranger. More than that, though, I began listening and agreeing with a whisper in my head. “What in the world makes you think you’re good enough?” the voice whispered. “You are going to get there and realize that everyone there is better than you and that you don’t belong at all,” it hissed.
I wish that I could tell you that I rebuked that voice in the name of Jesus and ran to put on my spiritual armour, but I’m afraid that wouldn’t be the truth. I didn’t realize that I was in the battle of my life, so I started sinking. By the time I got to She Speaks, I was literally sick and tired. I had hardly slept the week before, and I was physically sick from stress and worry.
It only took about five minutes at the conference to realize the terrible mistake I had made. This wasn’t a place about letting someone else confirm my calling or competing with others. The P31 staff was warm and welcoming. From the moment I walked into the hotel, it was if I had been wrapped in a warm blanket. I felt loved and nutured and valued. During the course of the conference, I sat in awe of how each facilitator and speaker poured out all her experience, knowledge and wisdom. They weren’t holding anything back. They were giving it all to me for Kingdom work and God’s glory!
At that conference, God spoke two critical things to me. He showed me how I had been undervaluing the calling He had placed in my heart. Like an echo of Eore, my heart moaned, “It will probably be the last one” after each speaking event. He was calling me to the glorious vision of building a Kingdom, but I had laboring as if I was a slave carrying bricks. He also spoke to me to lay down fear. I saw my fear for the first time as a wrong focus on myself. My fear was grounded in knowing what I could do instead of focusing on what He could do.
These truths were the beginning of a journey that continues until today. I’ll share my “After She Speaks” story on Friday. Right now I need to ask you… Has God placed a dream and a calling in your heart? Me too. Are you fighting fear and your own insecurities? Me too. Have you been shrinking back wondering if you’ll ever be good enough? Me too.
I’m inviting you today to take a step in faith. Focus on God and His incredible greatness, power and redemption. He has called each one of us to ministry, and He is ABLE to do all that He has planned through us. Take the leap. Believe in faith. Reach out. HE IS ABLE.