The Mess of a Work in Progress

Y’all, I love a project. I mean I dearly love a project, especially if it’s for my home. Spray paint and chalk paint are my favorite mediums for almost-instant gratification. This project, painting my china cabinet to use as a bookshelf in my office, was one of my favorites.

Of course I started chalk painting with the LARGEST piece of furniture in my house. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a go-big-or-go-home kind of girl, but really I was scared to death. Thank heavens it turned out better than I dreamed! I guess you could at least say I’m an all-in girl.

Now I’m hooked, and I’ve just started a new project.

I know. Those of you who love old furniture are hyper-ventilating right now. I’m so sorry. Truly. But it was all banged up and need a little new life, so it’s going to be a gorgeous peacock blue soon. I’ll post the final product on Facebook if you want to join me over there.

Do you want to know the truth about my projects, though? The end results are usually great, but the in-between is a pure mess. I don’t know how it happens, but a project in one room takes over the whole house. Kind of like this…

And I’m a terribly messy painter, so I even have special messy clothes.

Can I share something with you? That’s what my insides look like right now, not just my physical surroundings.

For months, God has been doing a project on my heart. The true beginnings were back in the spring when I attended a conference. Although I enjoyed the conference, I didn’t find myself particularly emotional over any of the speakers. Until the end. By the end of the last session, I was holding myself together by a thread. The weird thing was that it wasn’t even the message I had heard. It was just a move of the Spirit. Making a mad dash to the parking lot at the end, I made it almost to my car before I started sobbing. I was still heaving with sobs when I got home.

Barry was panicked of course, wondering what in the world was wrong with me. I couldn’t even tell him. It’s not that I didn’t want to. I really didn’t know what was wrong with me. Finally, I blurted out, “I truly don’t know what’s happening. It just feels like God is plowing my heart.” 

It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Without getting all mystical on you, all I knew was it felt like I was being plowed for a planting.

For months, God has been uprooting and stirring and shaking, and yet I’m still not exactly sure what’s happening or where I’m going. I’m in between, and it’s a mess up in here! I’m definitely not unhappy– in fact, it’s a particularly peaceful season of life otherwise. I’m just waiting to see the end result of this Divine Project.

Here in the messy middle, I’m taking some steps. One at a time. You’ve gotten some hints in my last few blog posts, but I really don’t know what the end result will be.

What I do know is that I’m going to take a little blogging break for at least the month of July. You know that I do this almost every summer, but this break will be more intentional. It’s going to be a time to get quiet and see if God has more to tell me about what He’s doing.

Have you been in a place like this? A season when your spirit is unsettled, but you’re sure that God is remaking something in you for your good?

When I come back, I’ll share some of the steps I’ve taken to seek God. To sit with Him. I may only be leading from one step ahead, but I want to do this together. Let’s hold hands as we grow. Be back soon!

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Comments

  1. Oh, yes. In fact, I am taking intentional seeking steps right now! Your post reads much like my journal ;-). I am VERY interested to read your next post! I pray your break is refreshing and inspiring.

  2. At least I’m not alone. I’ve felt like I’d fallen away. But yet knew he was still there. Doing something. Waiting. Wondering. Thank you.

  3. Dear Amy,
    God will continue to guide your tender, open heart as you look to Him. Writing for Him is a high calling; He’s very close at hand.

  4. Thank you so much for this post. I love how you share your reaction to what is going on in your heart. You put some words to where I am right now – thank you for that.

    • Mary Lou, it’s a painful place to be, but it’s always a good place when God is at work. I’m glad we’re sisters in it together! Hugs to you!!

  5. Oh Amy! I’ve been where you are so many times! Its a wonderful “under His wings” time but also a season of being remolded and made according to His will. Praying that He will lead you into all Truth and give you understanding as you surrender all to Him. Can’t wait to see what He has in store for you!

  6. Oh Amy!!!!….. how I understand about being unsettled as I have been going through a situation for 8 years. I’m not giving up (Galatians 6:9) I know God is not finished with me yet. (Philippians 1:6) And I know God is bringing forth good through my circumstances. (Romans 8:28) I am looking forward to what God is telling you through your time of feeling unsettled. Also looking forward to seeing your finished furniture. The China cabinet looks beautiful. Great analogy when restoring something, it can be messy but the finished product can be breathtaking. Enjoy your summer. ~Lisa~

  7. Dear Amy,

    I think we’ve all been through a similar experience, perhaps not as intensive, but knowing that God was “plowing our hearts,” and not knowing what was coming next or where we were headed. The beauty of this time is that you are in a safe place because God’s unconditional, extravagant, reckless love surrounds you and His peace upholds you. I will pray for you this month, that it will be a time of rest, of drawing even closer to God and that you will hear only His voice. I pray that He will give you ears to hear, eyes to see and a heart to receive. Many blessings!

    • Edwina, reading your comment started my morning off right. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement!